Phone Tree - just in time - self service safety

"Automated phone: Hello, and welcome to the Springfield Police Department "Rescue Phone"! If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.(Bart presses four numbers on the phone) You have chosen- "regicide!" If you know the name of the King or Queen being murdered, press 1.(Bart hangs up)" - The Simpsons